I do. I don’t. Wait… no, I do. Wait…

All married couples went through this before they were married. Cold feet, if you will. In this cutting documentary, Gil and Sydney, two young people living in South Carolina and spreading the word of the lord, are finding that out the hard way. Sydney knew from the moment she saw Gil leading mass in song about their lord and savior that she was going to marry him.

Gil had been swayed by temptation before he welcomed Jesus into his life. However, no longer would his basic, warm-blooded human instincts lead him astray. He had Jesus, and now he had Sydney, too.

Alright, I am absolutely not a religious person. My parents claim I was baptized Christian, but where there are gobs of evidence (candles, pictures, certificate) from my sister’s baptism, I have found not one piece of evidence that I was truly bathed in the blood of the lamb. Or whatever.

So, feeling the way that I do about these matters, this movie was almost frightening to me. Maybe it’s fear of the unknown. Maybe it’s the idea that these folks are kinda kooky. Regardless, I had a couple of problems with I DO, I DON’T.

First off, Gil and Sydney decided not to kiss before their wedding. They did it once, but they decided not to do it again. Now, I’m fully prepared to offend – like – entire countries with this, but seriously? I can see not sleeping together. And I’m not even talking about sex. Just in the same bed. But kissing? That’s weird. It’s officially weird.

Next, these two lovebirds had a wedding party at Chick-Fil-A. Chick-Fil-A, OK? We all know where CFA stands in the fight for equality so that all assholes can get married, not just the hyper-christian ones, but it kind of makes a statement for the movie as well. While they don’t come out and say that homosexuality is wrong, participating in this life – this religion that you practice – is essentially saying it for you. I know that not everyone feels the same way about homosexuality and equality that I do, and that’s fine! But the Bible says that it is patently wrong.

I like my gay friends more than I like most other people on this planet. Just sayin’.

Do you know what else? Sydney and Gil sing together. About Jesus. While they are absolutely not kissing each other.

I’m sorry, but this lifestyle seems like it’s just covering up for something else. Just like every vice in life. Is Jesus a vice? The way an alcoholic turns to booze for comfort and answers – or numbness, do Jesus freaks do that very same thing?

Do what you must and condemn me to hell, or whatever, but I can’t get behind so many incredibly judgemental people. Gil and Sydney are people just like you and me. They have marital problems, they argue, they wear their hair like complete douche bags, and they have a vice they can’t shake. A crutch. And in the end, Jesus seems like he’s nowhere to be found.

The movie THE GREY had a particularly poignant moment when Liam Neeson’s character is alone, lying on the frozen ground, scream for god to do something. Spoiler alert: nothing happens. That moment felt so real to me. Because when you’re laying in the frozen tundra alone with wolves smacking their lips at you, nobody is going to swoop down to wrap a blanket around you and carry you to safety. No. You have to duct tape tiny bottles of booze to your knuckles, break them off on a rock, and fight the damn wolves.

I didn’t want to be so spiteful in this review, but I look around at all of the things happening in this world and all of the people who just pray for things to get better. Why do terrible things happen? Why are people who were never baptized – like me – going to hell? Some of those folks are kids. Babies. My niece and nephew were never baptized. So that means they’re going to hell?

Oh, boy. I’ve gotten completely off track here. I DO, I DON’T is no light-hearted romp. It’s about a relationship that fails. Only in this story, the community doesn’t come together around them. It shuns them because they weren’t right for each other and made a mistake. Does that sound like something you would want a part of?

All I’ve ever needed to know about relationships, I learned from Hanson.

You have so many relationships in this life,
Only one or two will last,
You go through all the pain and strife,
Then you turn your back and their gone so fast,
They’re gone so fast,
So hold on to the ones who really care,
In end they’ll be the only ones there,
When you get old start losing your hair,
Can you tell me who will still care?

Truer words were never bopped. This movie is a love story gone awry with a heavy dose of the man upstairs. Young people fall in and out of love everyday. Sometimes we just realize we’ve fallen out of it when it’s too late.


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