I’ve always said that if I were ever on the receiving end of an unprecedented windfall and suddenly in possession of unlimited disposable monies, I would hire a film crew, an experienced sea captain, and two of my favorite comedians — John Mulaney and Mike Birbiglia — to dress up as Chief Brody and Matt Hooper of the Oceanographic Institute, respectively. I would be Quint, obviously.
We would be the Jaws tribute dream team.
The nature of the expedition would be to find proof that Megalodons are not extinct. The sea captain will be there to make sure that we don’t die. Because we would definitely die if it were just the three of us. John and Mike will be there to make me laugh when we inevitably go down anyway and get eaten by regular sharks.
What’s the point of any of this? Well, it just so happens that The Transporter himself — Jason Statham — will be starring in a feature-length adaptation of MEG: A Novel of Deep Terror by Steve Alten. There were rumors that Eli Roth would be directing this little gem, but it turns out that it’s actually going to be Jon Turteltaub. You know, the guy who directed Cool Runnings, While You Were Sleeping, and those darling National Treasure movies. Maybe he can kiss his own lucky egg and this movie won’t flop harder than P.J. Hairston.
For his part, Statham — who is the only cast member on the bill at this point — will be playing the book’s title character Jonas Taylor. Taylor is a deep-sea submersible pilot who discovers a mammoth shark — once believed to be extinct — while exploring the Mariana Trench.
It’s such a cool concept! Being the shark enthusiast that I am, I breezed through the book and I’ve gotta say, it is not good. Unfortunately there isn’t much information available regarding this film yet, but I promise you that I’ll keep an ear to the ground so that you don’t have to potentially sully your browser history.